How to make Dreams & desires succesful.

What we want and our goals in life start from dreams and desires. 

Dreams and desires work together in synergy, because a dream is made by small fulfilled desires. 

Every desire brings us closer to our dream life. 

But what are they exactly?

Dreams are long term goals and usually come with a feeling of fulfillment. This emotion is based on our experience and perspective that we hold. We change during the course of our life, and with it, also, the details or the main idea of the dream changes, but not the feeling of being fulfilled.

Desires are a short term goal, and they have a feeling of “needing something” or/and “wanting to experience something different”.

The desire is the spark that steers the wheel of actions, that leads us to move in the direction of what we want and what we think we want. 

Yes, thinking that something is what we want doesn't necessarily mean that we are actually on board with what comes as a consequence of it.

Let's debunk that. Shall we?

Desires born from within, can take their shape from two different places.

One, is very down to earth and it is the necessity to fulfill a need or a lack of something in our life or experience something different in our life.

The second one, is more spiritual, mysterious and unclear, and this desire has more of a blurry definition of itself because it comes with a feeling of something unborn and/or unaccomplished.

The desire is the feeling of something that we want in our lives. It is deeply connected to our emotions, and to become manifested, it passes through a process that I want to divide in phases to better understand.

Phase one : The Judgment

In the first step, our automatic ego takes this desire and starts to analyse it through very specific filters.

These filters are: traumas, wounds, beliefs and repressed aspects of ourselves.

There are three different options here: 

1. The desire slowly dies or goes into stasis, because it doesn’t match the parameters that our ego applies to it in that specific moment.

   
   

2. The desire gets approved by the ego and jumps to the next phase. 

   
   

3. The desire has a high level of emotional charge, bypasses the ego parameters and gets straight away in the next phase.

This is where our desire becomes what we want or just stays as a mare desire in stasis waiting for a better time or circumstance.

Phase Two: The How and What

In this phase, what we want, passes through a planning stage. The main questions are “How do we get there?” and “What do we need to do?”

I said the main questions, because these two are the initiators of the process. More questions may follow after that, and are analysed and based on: the experience, the perspective and the belief system that we have at that specific moment and time.

To understand what it means, I will give this simple example: 

How many times do we look back and we say to ourselves “I should've made this choice instead of this one” or “if I had the chance to go back in time I would have acted differently”. 

This is the answer:

To gain the experience, we need to make the experience.

To change perspective, we need to go through situations that allow us to do so.

To change the belief system, we need to question and remove beliefs that don't serve us anymore.

Phase Three: The Action

This phase, is the actual work that brings the wanted to fruition.

Here it is also, where the people think that they get stuck and give up.

There are two possible outcome:

1. The actions meet enough resistance that challenges the person without crashing the determination and the spirit. It is usually where the person can reach and enjoy the wanted acquired objective.

   
   

2. Before I said “The people think that they get stuck”, most of us, usually, lay the blame on the desire or the circumstances. However, the real problem is regarding the person’s level of awareness in relation to the dynamic that is going on internally. Because of a strongly charged emotion, the desire bypasses The Judgement, by jumping directly at this phase of the process that it is inherently conscious. The awareness that we need to have to make a conscious and successful plan of action is regarding: traumas, wounds, beliefs and repressed aspects of ourselves. When we don’t know our subconscious instances we are failing in the planning process.

 Let’s explain this with an example:

Let’s say, that we have the desire to do skydiving. We desire it so much that we bypass our Judgment phase. We start to plan the “What” and “How”. We, then book a session. When the day comes, we chicken out so much that we start to feel sick ending up canceling everything.

Let’s say, that in our childhood, we had to change houses, and with that, the environment and friends. We never felt a sense of stability and control because our parents were dragging us around from city to city. To compensate for the incapability of our parents to provide what we needed at that time; which is, stability and control, we developed an over-controlling behaviour. We are not trying to control only our environment but also, the people around us. This is reflecting and impacting our relationships and our job. Despite our efforts, it seems that the more in control we want to be, the more things are actually going out of control.

This leads us to end up by being unworkable for anybody and for us as well. We stop living our life, because we are so constantly worried about not “having everything under control” that the life that we started to live is quite a miserable one. We start to hate and blame ourselves for being such a control freak. That costs us so much in the course of our life, that now, we are sick and tired of this way of living, that we decide to do something extreme and try something that challenges our control, which is skydiving.

We can say that because we really didn’t know what is the main issue here and what are we exactly trying to achieve, but at the same time “we think that we know it”. So we go ballistic towards something that is really deep and really wounded and in order to keep us functioning we have to develop different coping strategies and behaviour to self-regulate. 

It wasn’t the desire that was the problem, but not knowing how deep those coping strategies were. Maybe the shift that we needed was not about the control of the environment but the control of our internal world by doing therapy or reading a self help book or meditation or anything that helps us regulate. We can create stability within ourselves and from there, regain our life one step at a time.

Let’s talk about the spiritual aspect of dreams and desires, just to have another perspective.

Dreams belong to the element of Akasha (AKA spirit or Ether). They are manifestations of a potential energy within the soul. It is characterised by the signature vibration that the soul wants to achieve in this lifetime and the type of dreams is defined by that specific feeling attached to it. Our process is to translate a vibration into something that we can visualise and achieve on a physical plane of existance. 

What determines our capacity to translate that vibration into something physical is based upon: our self-awareness, capability to be open, skills, belief system at the moment of the translation. This is the reason why dreams can change but not the signature feeling. A dream is meant to initiate an expansion of the soul experience. Also, this is the reason why, after a dream, there is another dream and another one and so on. It is this eternal dance for expansion. It doesn’t really matter how we get to meet that vibration, because there are infinite ways to reach that specific dream and we, and only we, can be the judge of what is the better match to that vibration. What makes it unique is our decisions and response to the experience itself.

Desires belong to the fire element. It is the fuel that feeds us to keep moving forward, it is that spark that ignites the engine. When we want something as part of ourselves, we try to attract something towards ourselves. It is like the game of “tug-of-war”. Until we reach the object of our desires. It is a compelling energy. However, like fire, it needs to constantly be fed by something or it will dim and eventually die. A desire, also like fire, can blaze up and be destructive and consume us into obsession, which is the shadow aspect of desire.

What is needed for the desire to keep burning, are motives, feelings and a clear vision of what we are after. 

Often, we lose one of the three and it is where the desire dissipates until it dies. Sometimes, we think it dies, but it just shifts into something else. What makes the desire blaze up is the lack of empowerment. Being stuck in that specific state of being, makes us push the desire to its extreme, where it is not something that is beneficial but detrimental and self-destructive. It is really hard to pull out from obsession, but not impossible. It requires an equal amount of energy that the lack of power leads us to end up there. But if we face the source of the feeling of being powerless and heal it, then the obsession will cease to be necessary and the rectification of it will become more natural and fluid.

What makes the desire a bad thing for many religions, is actually the transformative nature of it, the uncontrollability. Not because we get out of control but we become out of their control. When we embark on a journey to obtain a desired thing, we always end up being a different person at the end of the process, because we need to learn something, question beliefs, shift the way we see the world and this is a process that nobody can control because it is the unpredictable and unstoppable bioproduct of it. 

There is this stigma about wanting something. Some desires are accepted or valid and others no. On the universal perspective, everything is valid if done with love. The difference is, if the desire is out of love or not. When it is in the shadow aspect, we are not operating from love but from lack of it. Sometimes, the desires are conditioned, for sure we are familiar with the saying “you cannot have everything”. On the universal perspective, you actually can have everything you want, but we have been conditioned to put a condition to what we want and compromise which leads us to a bitter taste, because in the end, even if we achieve something, it is still a part of it and not all. 

We try to minimize and normalize and say to ourselves that it is fine, and that we are content with what we have. It is not actually possible. The presence of our soul is a constant thirst for expansion to want more and more. We convince ourselves that we are fine just with what we have, but it is not true. We are doing this either for a lack of awareness of inner dynamics like wounds that play a role in our subconscious or for a strong belief system that we don’t dare to question.

How do we move from here? How can we answer the call of our dreams? How can we positively make the desires as conscious as possible?

1 - We want to identify what we want exactly.

What I mean by that, is the reason. It is your personal process and there is no good or bad answer. What we want, is an answer no matter what it is. In terms of approach towards yourself I want that you will ride the flow of question-answer. This means, be completely open and allow the answers to come to you without forcing them. Allow the conversation within yourself to start and try to just be present. 

To help you out, you can visualize the desire and talk to it so you are engaging in a more detached way and, make the feelings and the answers an information to watch and listen to. Also, you need to be curious.

I will do the exercise to give you an example. Use the same questions for yourself and if you feel that you want to ask different ones,or add more of them, please be free to do so.

Exercise:

I always dreamed about a house by the beach with only a few houses around. 

Why do I want a house by the beach?

It gives me a sense of belonging and openness. 

Why do I want to have only a few houses around?

It feels resting and free.

Why do I need belonging and openness?

Because I never felt like I truly belonged somewhere, and I was and I still am always, in somebody else's space that restricts my sense of expression, because I never felt a place as mine and for this reason, I never invested much into it.

Why is it so important to overcome restrictions?

Because I love to decorate and make a place that reflects who I am, I cannot do it in a place that it is not mine. I feel like I cannot lay any roots in any places.

Why do I associate belonging and openness to a house by the beach?

Yes, because I grew up on the coast. I was opening the window and smelled the ocean in every season. This feels like home because it is familiar. The sea will also,  always have a special place in my soul, because I always felt called by it, where also I find comfort to a degree that no places ever gave me.

Is the desire for a few houses connected to the feeling of restriction?

Absolutely yes. The freedom to do as I please without being put under a limitation.

Where is this need coming from?

I always felt like I am too much for people. This was confirmed to me at some point in life by being told so. As a consequence, I always had to dim myself, to not disrupt somebody else's equilibrium. Not only, space wise but emotional and mental wise as well. I also understand now, that it was always about them rather than about me being too much. I want to be free and not deal with somebody else's boundaries or limitations.

Why are you still resisting the problem of limiting yourself?

Because in my personal space I want peace and quiet and that is 100% compatible with me with no restrictions.

Recap: 

Make questions to understand the motives of why you dream and desire that specific thing. We want to go deeper in each question.

2 - We want to analyze and find the key factors that determine our motives and what it is really behind the desire. We want to see if it comes from a place of resistance to something, because in this way we can spot what type of wound we need to heal.

In my exercise, the key words are: belonging, openness, resting and freedom.

Throughout the conversation I understood that:

Belonging wants to compensate for the disconnection. What am I disconnected from? Things that I don’t feel as mine and people around me that want me to be less me. 

So, it shows me that it comes from me attaching to something that is external and uncontrollable. It doesn’t come from within.

Openness and freedom are very similar. They want to compensate for the restriction and the lack of freedom of expression. They want to make space and create space for me. These are coming from within.

Resting wants to compensate for years of internal battle to dim myself for the sake of belonging. This feels that it comes from within.

Now, I was saying what comes from within or not, because it is where you can control the actual outcome, because it comes from you and only you.

When it is connected to an external element the probability of successfully controlling it goes down exponentially depending on how many elements are present and the type of elements. 

To explain that, I will further analyse the key words.

Within: 

It is a feeling that it is not a resistance but more an expansion and a way to remove myself from a survival response. 

What helped me to understand this, was the sensation of being lighter and relaxed which I usually can achieve through meditation. It is an improvement and it is not attached to outside elements. I can adjust and play with the world around me to get that part of the desire met by just following those feelings.

Not within: 

The belonging is more connected to a physical place and the sense of being part of a tribe. 

This is also a basic need that is also connected to our root chakra. (AKA: The first energy centre located on the pelvic floor) 

How do I play with it? 

Well, my house needs to be somewhere by the sea, this means that there are 3 factors:

1. I need to find a place on/by the sea that speaks to me,

   
   

2. The place needs to not be very populated so I can met the requirements of space,

   
   

3. I need to deal with the availability of finding a house for sale that matches the first 2 points.

I didn’t mention the cost or the climate because it will be too long but I definitely will include that in my analysis of the desire.

About what concerns the tribe and the wound that it created, I need to work on healing that, before I approach this desire, because rather than expand it, it contracts, because I am rejecting the situation. Because I already started this process a few months ago, I am headed with this.

I had to understand that the rejection that I was perceiving wasn’t because I was doing something wrong or bad, but it was the problem of the people that were struggling to swallow the perspective that I was offering. 

I allow myself to feel compassion for that part of me that for years tried and blamed himself. I had to tell him that wasn’t his fault all along. And from there, I started to stop dimming myself and I started to meet people that are more in alignment with my true self and for the ones that I knew already some of them adjusted to the change others drifted away. I started to feel a deeper sense of belonging within myself. Even if I am not there yet.

Recap: 

We want to find the key words and from what we experienced emotionally in the previous point, it determines if it comes from within or not. When you are conscious about that, we want to define a plan of action so that we can move in the right direction.

This is not exhaustive but it is a starting point to work in a more conscious and empowered way towards creating your own world.

Hugs, love and light.

Fabio.